Heinz 57

"What are you?"
The question is often put
Kindly, curiously, jokingly,
"Take a guess"
I reply with a smile
For I take no offense
They often guess right
I'm Chinese through and through
But I'm also American born and bred

Who am I?
A Chinese American Christian girl
Who is more American than Asian
Who doesn't speak the language
Who didn't grow up going to Chinese church or school
Who has mostly white friends
Who feels slightly out of place in Chinese culture
But very comfortable in white culture
Who straddles both worlds
And yet is not fully at home in either

What do I do?
I spend time with white friends
I make Asian ones but not because they're Asian
But because they are people
I share my culture with those who are interested
I give out Pocky snacks and guava candies to my friends
I eagerly jump in on a Chinatown expedition
I try to share with others the heritage that I don't fully understand myself

Why is it this way?
It's the way that I grew up
It's the particular way that my parents chose to raise me
It's the way that our culture is structured in dealing with "foreigners"
It's the way that our society believes Asians are or should be
It's the stereotypes that have been set in place for decades
It's the way that I rarely questioned my ethnicity for 18 years
It's the way that when someone asks me where I'm from
And I say, "New Hampshire", the person replies, "oh"
I know, it's neither exotic nor particularly exciting
I'm American too

What is going on now?
I'm exploring the history of my heritage that is both Asian and Chinese
I'm asking more questions than there are suitable answers
I'm conversing with my friends and professors
I'm trying to wrap my head around what it means to be Asian AND American
I'm working on understanding how my identity is intrinsically tied to my ethnicity
I'm thinking about how much this does or perhaps should affect me
I'm seeing God's hand in bringing up these issues during this stage of my life
I'm reminding myself that I am God's child first and foremost and Asian-American second

God is teaching me
I'm learning slowly
It's going to be a long journey
Would you like to join me?

Comments

  1. Marina Lind SchmittOctober 5, 2015 at 1:21 PM

    I've enjoyed reading your posts about this. Ethnicity and heritage is something I've thought more and more about, too. I identify so strongly as French/Swiss as I do American but no one ever asks or *really* cares because I am of one race. I get to be both without any stigma, but also without people's desire to learn more about my story. A story I love deeply and feel very strongly about. Keep thinking and writing, Francesca!

    ReplyDelete

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