"i'm not short, i'm just fun-sized!"

In the mountains of Galicia

Fun-sized candy bars, do they still make those anymore? I love them because that's often just amount of chocolate I want, two bites worth, and I'm satisfied. But the line, "I'm not short, I'm just fun-sized!" is one I find entertaining and have oft repeated in regards to my own height. As you already know, I'm a short person by American standards. I'm about 5'3" and the average height for an American woman is around 5'4"-5'5". So I'm not horribly short but just short enough that pants are a couple inches too long, I often can't quite reach something, and I'm always in the front row for group pictures. It's something I often joke about--you ask tall people if they play basketball but you don't ask short people if they play mini-golf! (okay, the fun-sized one was better)--and am occasionally grateful for since it means I can easily curl up in chairs or fit into small spaces comfortably. Most of the time I am more or less content with my height but there are times when I really wish God had allowed me to grow a couple more inches, example: the past 3 weeks on the Camino.

*cut to quick infomercial about the Camino de Santiago*

It means the Way of St. James (think Peter, James, and John as Jesus' closest disciples). The Camino was a famous ancient and is now a modern day pilgrimage. It's about 600 miles long, the traditional route starts right over the border of France and goes through the north of Spain until ending in the city of Santiago in northwestern Spain. Thousands of people come from all over the world to walk this pilgrimage. It has Catholic origins but the majority of pilgrims actually do not walk it for religious/spiritual reasons. Call this 1-800 number (or ask me) for more information.

*cut back to normal post*

My Compostela de Santiago aka my certificate that says I did it!  

I had the privilege of walking a 1/3 of the Camino within a group of 8 students and 2 professors from Wheaton over the course of 3 weeks. We walked along highways, through eucalyptus forests, up mountains and down rocky dried up creek beds, and through more small Spanish towns than I can count. It was an incredible experience I am still processing through. But one of the things God was teaching me along the way was to be content with the way He made me. Let me explain why and what this has to do with my height. I was the shortest and slowest person in our group. Mostly because of how tall I was. My comfortable pace was on the slower side because of how long my legs were. I could go faster but only so fast given the fact I was walking over rough terrain at times and I was carrying a 18lb backpack. Get the picture? We walked in guy-girl pairs and all of the guys were close to 6 foot if not over it so you can imagine the stride difference while walking. I was frustrated with my slowness and my inability to keep up with my friends. I was physically incapable of walking at their pace because of the shortness of my legs. It was just how it was. It wasn't my fault nor theirs. But I didn't like it.

This is what I tell myself anyways...

God reminded me He made me just the way He wanted me to be. He shaped me and formed me, both internally--character and personality-wise--the way He desired but also externally, with this body shape and specific height. Why, I won't pretend to know. This kind of self-acceptance--overcoming my insecurities and my dislike of my body image--is not a new thing to me. It's been something that has long been part of my life and I've known that but it is something God pointed out to me again in a very tangible way. Fashion, hairstyles, and makeup are things I can control. My physical build is something I have little control over. God gave me this face shape, these long or short legs, this hair and eye color. Am I willing to be content with that? Will I embrace the way He specially created me or will I continue to be frustrated because He didn't make me the way I want to be? Because I don't look like my friend over there or I'm not the same height as her? I cannot change how He made me but I can choose my attitude towards my body.

He gave me just what I needed in order to be the woman He desires for me to be. If I needed to be taller, then He would have made me so. If I had needed to be athletic or redheaded or musically-talented then I have to trust that He would have given me those things. But apparently, He didn't give them to me because I don't need them for what He has called me to do in His world and for His kingdom. I am to depend on Him when I come up short (no, not an intentional pun but it is funny). I'm to be reminded my strength and joy come from Him when I'm tired. I'm reminded to be humble when I can't do something on my own. I certainly have not arrived but I am on the journey of self-acceptance. This is just another step in that process because if I can't love myself, how can I love others and ask them to love themselves? I can only see the flaws in myself but then I turn around and say to my friend, "why can't you see how marvelous and lovely you are?" It's a continuing battle to fight the voices in my head. But the good news is that I have the God of angel armies on my side. In fact, He says to me, "you are special. I made you to be just the way you are because I believe that's what is best for you. I look at you and see perfection because of my Son. Why can't you see the same thing?" Give me your eyes, Father. Give me your eyes so I may also see.

In Santiago with my fellow pilgrims, so thankful for each one of them