::El Roi - the God who sees::

I see you.

I see you.

I see you.

I see you.

Read those again and take in the emphasis of each word and what it means to you. Let it sink in. What does it mean to be seen? What would it mean for you to see me or vice versa? Being seen is being known. Being known is being vulnerable. And being vulnerable is absolutely terrifying. Yet we want to be seen because it means you are looking past the facades and fronts to our authentic selves. In your seeing me, you have the power to hurt me tremendously which scares me. Also in your seeing me, you can know me and love me beyond understanding and there is nothing more precious than that. A friend said to me recently, "I just wanted to let you know I see you." Part of me was comforted by that while the doubting part of me asked, "do you really see me?" I frequently ask the same thing of God. "Do you truly see me? Do you see where I'm at and what I'm struggling with? Do you see the variables and tensions I face everyday?"

I recently learned about a new (to me) name of God, "El Roi", which means "the God who sees" from Genesis 16:13-14, the story of Hagar after Sarah kicked her out and she's wandering in the desert. An angel of the Lord speaks to her, proclaiming her line of descendants through her future son, Ishmael, to which she replies, "I have seen the One who sees me". God saw Hagar in her most despairing moment in the desert. He saw her right where she was and gave her hope for the future. He told her what her legacy would be and what He would do through her. God doesn't always do the same for us. I've never had anything like that proclaimed over me but He does see me in every moment. He sees me in the moments when I'm anxious and stressed, when I'm lonely and aching, when I'm grateful and pouring out, when I'm tired and want to throw in the towel, and every other moment in between. He sees me and says, "Yes, I know where you're at and what you're feeling and everything else you're not even aware of because of your human limitations. I see you and what's more, I see my Son in you. I see the incredible, beautiful woman I'm creating you to be. Why can't you see the same thing?"

Okay, so I get that God sees me but... how does He see me? I'm a person who hardcore struggles with grace, the backstory of which is a post for another time. Suffice it to say, I do and so it's challenging for me to believe that God sees me with eyes of grace rather than those of judgment. I take Romans 6:23a to heart, "for the wages of sin is death". I don't have trouble believing what I deserve because I have sinned. What I do struggle to believe is Romans 6:23b, "but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord". A gift means it's freely given yet I'm somehow convinced I still have to earn it. He sees me through the lenses of grace, love, and His Son's blood on the cross. Those things color how He sees me not the ways I've messed up and fallen short. All I can see are my flaws and failings and how I've got to do something(s) to bring me up to "snuff" in His eyes. But what He is saying to me is, "My only and beloved Son died for you. You believe He did therefore my Spirit dwells within you. Christ is how I see you and what I see in you. It's really all about Him and not about you. My child, bring your eyes upwards and outwards rather than downwards and inwards." As my Heavenly Father, He sees me with so much tenderness and grace. If I could see myself a fraction of the way He sees me, I'd probably melt into a puddle and have more grace with myself.

How does He see me? Perfectly, grace-fully, and with more love than I can ever comprehend. Why? Because He sees His Son who sacrificed everything for me and calls me co-heir in the kingdom of God. I pray these truths would sink into your heart and mine as we root our identities in Him.

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