::theology with toddlers::

Whether you love kids or you want nothing to do with them, whether you think they're cute or annoying, or whether you think my job of spending 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week with toddlers sounds like a dream or a nightmare, kids will teach you fascinating lessons if you're willing to see and learn. If you've spent any time with kids, you know they are unfiltered, don't regulate their emotions, act impulsively, and are their truest selves all the time. My own inner child comes out when I'm with kids which is a huge reason of why I love working with them. I let down my guard, allow myself to be silly, and am vulnerable in ways I'm not able to with adults. Being with kids is often humbling and eye-opening. Things aren't always as complicated as I make them out to be, such as theology. It can be understood on a toddler level, don't you think?

Take natural depravity for example. I didn't expect to see it so clearly in my little ones. You could brush them off as being "only babies" or "not knowing any better". Let me tell you, they DO know better. My toddlers are between 14-24 months and most of them understand the difference at some level between right and wrong. I've seen a child look my co-teacher straight on and then flip their plate upside down. A child is told not to dump something out and does it anyway. A child is reprimanded for hitting/pushing/taking a toy away from a friend and they can't meet my eyes. They may not be able to talk yet but they do know what they should and should not be doing such as lying on their cots for nap, sitting at the table during meals, or waiting to wash their hands. I don't have to teach my kids how to be naughty or mean. I do have to teach them how to use "nice touches", to share, to listen, and to obey. I don't expect them to be perfect but I do expect them to learn. Living in community and having friends means you have to be nice, respect personal space, and learn how to express yourself appropriately aka don't bite people.

My toddlers are Adam and Eve in the garden all over again. They will run away from what they've done wrong, try to charm you with their cuteness, throw a temper tantrum, or just stare at you blankly, refusing to acknowledge that they did wrong. I don't dare compare myself and my co-teachers to God in how we are teaching them justice and morality. Though obviously I believe we need to do so and that's one of the challenges and beauties of teaching. But my little ones display natural depravity wholeheartedly and it both amazes and convicts me. I am no less sinful than them even if I have a more fully developed morality and set of ethics that I try to live by. They act out, do wrong, and sin because they are learning how the world works and they are human. Am I superior when I sin? I know better and yet I do it anyway. I think I'm sneakier in my sin but God still sees and convicts me. I'm not proud of it but like my toddlers, I ignore Him, deny or rationalize what I've done, or complain/question/whine about what I don't like. Unlike them, I no longer have parents and teachers who are constantly with me, correcting my behavior, bringing me to repentance, and telling me how to act and/or what to say next time. Thank goodness, I'm never without the Holy Spirit who is my constant guide but it's not the same as being taken away from a situation because I'm hitting a friend or being told "no" and throwing a tantrum on the floor.

Though my morality and spirituality is more mature than my toddlers, my natural depravity affects my daily life. I'm being sanctified but that doesn't mean I don't fight the temptation to sin in small and big things. Admittedly, I'm not usually tempted to bite someone when I'm mad at them but I'm impatient, judgmental, anxious, lustful, or a million other things that are sin in God's eyes. When I see my own depravity and that of humanity, I'm often sunk into despair. However, it's in those moments of discouragement that His grace shines out and wraps itself around me. I can't overcome my natural depravity on my own. It's His grace that allows me to live out every day and pushes me forward to be more like Christ. I must see the darkness before I can fully take in the glory of the Light. I'm trying to show my toddlers that Light in all kinds of non-verbal ways. I'm trying to love them well and to deal out both justice and mercy. It isn't as easy as you can imagine and honestly, there are days I want to throw them all out the window. But isn't that probably how God sees me sometimes? Yet, He, like me, chooses to keep loving, repeating the Truth over again, and is always ready to give a hug when repentance is shown. I can have grace with them because He has had and continues to have grace with me.