*Note: "The language we use to categorize one another racially is imperfect ... Yet it is difficult to talk about what is essentially a flawed and problematic social construct without using language that is itself problematic. We have to be able to talk about it in order to change it." - Beverly Daniel Tatum (p. 97, Why are all the Black Kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?, underlining mine)
Have you ever been told you couldn't enter a space you wanted to go in? Whether it's your sibling's room, a club, or an amusement park ride, you get upset. Someone is denying you entry and especially as Americans in our highly individualistic and entitled mentality, (I'm guilty of this too) we don't stand by that. What standards do you hold that don't allow me to enter? You can argue with your brother as to why he won't let you into his room or plead with an employee to bend the requirements, but what happens when it's not that simple? When it's subtle and intangible yet part of the atmosphere you're breathing every day. When it's not technically a closed circle but the ability to enter is out of reach. At some level, this is racism. That's not a full definition but it is definitely part. This is how White spaces feel to PoC (People of Color). I inherently do not belong. This is not my place, my country, my home. Someone else set the standards long ago and I don't measure up so sorry, you can't come in.
A prime example for me is that I have never felt like I've had a space where I could be both Asian and Christian. Two of the most pertinent parts of my identity have not been allowed to coexist in the same place. Think about that for a second. Have you experienced that before? Why or why not? It seems like a heart-breaking contrast to my previous
post about being versus doing. Yet,
I'm not even allowed to fully be who I am. It's usually checking my Asian identity at the door. That part hasn't been welcomed whereas being Christian has been fairly easy and expected. Even before I asked Him to be Lord of my life at age 12, I knew how to act and what to say. I've lived in a Christian bubble for most of life so my faith hasn't been much of an issue. In contrast, I've had few spaces to be Asian. The main ones I can think of were when we spent time with other Asian-American families or with my extended family as a child. We didn't discuss race as a family so while I was cognizant of the fact that we were Asian, it wasn't something I was highly aware of until
a fateful history college class when my racial-ethnic-cultural journey began.
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How do you feel about this Asian
depiction of the crucifixion? |
I remember the first time I attended an Asian-American church at age 12. I was absolutely blown away. I didn't know what to do with myself, what to expect, and didn't understand many of the cultural references. I had never been with so many other Asians before and the whole experience fascinated me. I've been in other majority Asian spaces since then and while I'm no longer mind-blown, I'm not fully comfortable either. I still don't feel like I completely belong. I'm more awkward and unsure now than I was then because I'm aware of being an in-betweener. For more on this read my post on
living in the hyphen of being Asian-American or watch this
video by WongFu Productions. So I know how to function in Christian spaces but not in Asian ones. I don't know what it's like to be welcomed into both other than to be part of an Asian-American church which is not currently part of my life. I would argue that while the Church as a whole has struggled at being welcoming and willing to engage with PoC, that they need to lead in doing so. White American society is not going to accept both parts of my identity any time soon so I and other PoC desperately need the Church to give us that space.
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Model minority myth problems
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You might be thinking, "okay so there hasn't been a space for you to be both crucial parts of your identity. What would that look like?" I don't know because it's never existed. I don't know what I want because it's challenging to imagine something that doesn't seem to have a place in the world I live in. This isn't calling out my White friends or church particularly. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I think they do see color but they have forgotten the second half of the advice in
Pat Parker’s poem, “For the White Person Who Wants to Know How to Be My Friend”: “The first thing you do is to forget that i’m Black. / Second, you must never forget that i’m Black.” So I'm pleading with you to love me and your friends of color for who we are as fellow human beings but also to see and treat us in full color as God made us. See me, hear us, listen to our cries as we struggle not having a place to be our whole and complete selves. I love sharing my culture and ethnicity with people but I don't want to hesitate to say something because it's tied to my racial-ethnic-cultural identity and wonder if I should rephrase it or not say it at all or feel like you don't know this part of me because we've never discussed the fact that I'm Asian and you're White.
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| Credit: Written to Speak |
I've said this before and I'll say it again. Words matter, language matters, phrases matter. This is one of the reasons I write in the first place. Language is imperfect but still has incredible significance. So please be mindful of what you're saying especially when using phrases like "racial reconciliation" or "inviting you to the table". Reconciliation implies that you desire to restore the relationship to the way it was before. I doubt that any PoC want their relationship with Whites to be the way it was before since that would mean slavery, being banned from coming to the States, and being more ostracized than they currently are. Or in your inviting us to the table, it means that *you* own the table. We are being invited to
your space on
your terms. Instead, perhaps use terms like "anti-racist" as it implies you're actively fighting racism and "restorative/transformative justice" as you seek reparations for those who have been harmed while having concern for the victim, offender, and all others involved and yearn for things to be different moving forward.
So what can you do? You've done something already if you made it to the end of this blog post. Listen to my story, actively seek out the stories of those around you, watch videos and movies about experiences different than yours, read anti-racist books, and then consciously make decisions to treat the people around you differently. As
Phil Vischer said,
I'm asking you to care. To care about what is going on in the world, to care about what other human beings made in
imago dei are experiencing every day, to care about fighting injustice in small and big ways wherever you encounter it and then to encourage and build one another up in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
I love you girl and I love reading what you are thinking and feeling. I love how vulnerable you are. I would like to hear more about what, specifically, you feel you have not been welcomed into, or what you feel you have been barred from at the door? Also, I would like to hear more about why or how you have not been able to be both Asian and Christian. What would it look like for you to be free to be both at the same time and in the same space?
ReplyDeleteI think my perspective is so different because I grew up in a very ethnically and socio-economically diverse environment. I also have been a member of different groups throughout my life. For example, as a kid I was a minority white girl in a mostly diverse school. I also was part of a low-income family. As I grew older, we moved, my mom married, and I became part of a middle class, white, yet also somewhat diverse school. And as an adult I moved to NH and am now experiencing a mostly middle to upper class, white environment. Many people around me have no clue about what it’s like in a more diverse culture or what it’s like to be a minority or in a low income class. I do, however, as do many white people. I understand there are many white peoples who don’t understand. I also know that I will never know what it’s like to be black, Asian, etc (although I am technically 1/2 Hispanic, no one would ever be able to tell��). So I would love to hear more specifics about how you have felt barred, and what it would look like to be yourself and to be welcome. Love you!!!
Hi Jen, Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply! That means so much to me.
DeleteTo answer your questions could be a separate blog post in themselves. In short, I don't feel like I have been free to be Asian in most areas of my life, school, work, church. It's the poem that I cited, " “The first thing you do is to forget that i’m Black. / Second, you must never forget that i’m Black.” " The people around me have done the first but not the latter. The tension between the two is a huge challenge. I totally see that but in order to love and see me as Asian AND American AND Christian, you have to forget that I am Asian while simultaneously never forgetting that I am Asian. I could discuss this more with you if you want though I don't have all the answers.
Thanks for sharing more of your experience and journey as well as sharing in mine. Love you too!