::the perfectionism dragon::

Once upon a time... because all good stories start with once upon a time, right? Once upon a time... there was a dragon and a little girl. The dragon lived in his lair and the little girl lived in her house. They didn't know each other yet. As the little girl grew older, whispers went out to the dragon beckoning him to her. The dragon would come to the little girl and talk to her. At the beginning, the little girl didn't realize she was talking to a dragon. You have to know that she had never seen a dragon before, no one had ever mentioned the word, "dragon", so how was she supposed to know what it was? The conversations were short and the little girl often left them feeling a little scared or ashamed without knowing why. As time went on, the dragon became closer and closer with the girl. He moved to living with her in her house and eventually going with her everywhere. This dragon was a very well behaved dragon. Most of the time he didn't show his face or breathe any fire. His special dragon magic kept him invisible to all but the girl and even when someone did notice him, the girl laughed and said, "yes, well, I'm working on taming him." 

However, as the girl grew up, she struggled to tame the dragon. He sometimes got the better of her and breathed fire when she didn't make her projects just right or caused her to cry when she made mistakes or scolded her when she said something stupid. Her parents and other adults unconsciously fed and watered the dragon, telling the girl how responsible, mature, and good she was. The occasional burns or scratches didn't bother her too much other than being annoying or mildly painful. But she knew she had to tame the dragon or bad things might happen. 

And the girl did NOT want bad things to happen. 

That was her worst nightmare. Before you get too worried, the dragon wasn't all bad. The dragon helped her to work hard in most things, made her do her best all times, and pushed her to ask questions and listen carefully. The girl developed many virtues and skills, thanks to the dragon. It was just when the dragon became too strong for her and she couldn't keep control of it that it became a problem.

The girl entered adulthood and in doing so, eventually became able to tame the dragon in many things. She got some Bs on her homework, she laughed off glitches and bumps in life, she learned from her mistakes and didn't breathe fire on herself--most of the time anyways. Sometimes the dragon still got away from her though now no one really noticed her dragon. She was the only one who paid attention to it anymore. She usually noticed when the dragon caused her stress, anxiety, or shame. Then the dragon's claws felt sharp against her skin and the smoke made her cough and her heart burn. She suffered through the pain and promised herself that she'd do better to tame it completely, that it might hurt her no more. But the dragon was stronger than her, fed by the tainted gems of self-doubt, need for approval, always feeling responsible, and her own desire to be right before the King.

Did I mention the King? There was a great High King who was the King above all other kings and he knew this girl and her dragon very well. He had watched her grow up and became friends with her. He knew her struggles with her dragon and he saw the ways the dragon hurt her even when no one else did. Sometimes the girl would talk to the King about her battles with the dragon and he would give her advice. He gave her the armor of strength and a shield of grace to use when she next felt the searing heat of the dragon's flame upon her. There were times when she wore the armor and it saved her and other times when she was too weak to hold up the shield and the fire and claws struck deeply. In and through everything, the King watched over her and loved her. He told her that doing His will meant surrendering the dragon to him instead of trying to fight him on her own. If she could give herself and her dragon to him, then she would be rid of the dragon's power. The dragon wouldn't go away forever but it would be under the taming and hand of the King who would never let the dragon hurt her again. She would only get hurt if she went to go see the dragon on her own.

Despite the King's advice, the girl still fought with the dragon on her own terms rather than surrendering all to the King. She and the dragon grew close in their many struggles together. She learned to tame it in some ways and in others, the flames continue to spiral out of control. She knows that it will be a long journey with her dragon and she's trying to accept that but it's frustrating to the point of anger and despair at times. There have been many tearful conversations with the King, much preparation in how to train the dragon, and plenty of help from her community. It's just hard to tell people that you're fighting an invisible dragon. Sometimes they get it because they have their own dragon and other times, they're fighting ogres or goblins instead. You know you are all fighting your own battles but they look different depending on the person. The girl is learning to keep a tighter rein on the dragon, to let the King battle for her, and to have more grace with herself but it's not easy. Be kind with her, be kind with yourself as you tussle with your dragons, orcs, or swamp monsters. And know that the King is always with you, reigning sovereign over His kingdom. You are not alone and the King is greater than any and all dragons. So keep fighting the good fight.

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