::to a former lover::

Doesn't every relationship begin with being starry-eyed,
Enamored, enchanted, infatuated?

We began on hopeful terms 9 years ago

You knew where you stood

I was figuring out if I liked you or not

You offered me the chance and I took it


A year into the relationship

The honeymoon phase had worn off

It started to become more difficult

But we worked through things

I came out the stronger


Year three was the hardest year yet

Cynicism, busyness, and stress took their toll

We even took a short break apart

I appreciated you a lot more when we got back together


The following year my world got shattered

But you were there for me

You stood by me as a support as everything else fell apart

I don’t know what would’ve happened without you

Yet I knew it was time to part ways

We weren’t meant to be together any longer

Which broke my heart


Fast forward to two and a half years later

You asked me to return to you and I did

I was tentatively hopeful

We both had changed and

I didn’t know how we’d fit together again

Neither of us were the same

Would this work?


It’s been 3 years since that day in January

When I came back into your embrace

We’ve had some incredibly intense moments in our relationship

I almost lost hope more than once

But I held on by the grace of God

I sacrificed so much for you

More than I probably should have

But honestly, I don’t know that I regret it

We went through hell and back together

The valleys recently seemed to turn into hills

I saw goodness and beauty on the horizon

Growth and change were just around the corner

And then


Something happened

As it typically goes, it was gradual

You began moving away from me

You didn’t call me back

Said that you “forgot” to text me

The moments of intimacy dwindled


I didn’t really notice

Well, I did

But I made excuses

You were really busy

There was a lot going on in life

We’d make it through this

Just like we had all the other times...

... Right?


The knife came swift and sharp

Feeling out of nowhere

The cold iron stabbed deep

I remember inhaling in shock and pain

What had I done to deserve this?

Why would you wield such a blow?


We had been together for so long

I thought, ‘surely this must be a mistake

We can rectify this’

But the heartbreak just kept coming

At an alarmingly fast rate


I watched you hurt the people around me
Disrespect, callousness, self-preservation
All too evident even for my loving eyes
One thing crashing down after another

I tried to step in

I tried to protect them and you as best I could

My efforts were raindrops in Lake Michigan


I wrestled long and hard with my emotions

I didn’t want to break up but

I wasn’t sure that I could stay with you

My dreams were devastated

I no longer trusted you

I didn’t know what to do with that


I told you it wasn’t working

That we had to break up and I was the one leaving

You acted surprised and shocked

You seemed genuinely sad to see me go


Then why didn’t you fight for me?

Why didn’t you care?

Why weren’t you aware?

Where were you when I needed you?

What happened here and here and here?


I poured out blood, sweat, and tears for our relationship

Yet you threw it aside with a flick of your hand

We had gone through a freaking pandemic and back

Did that mean nothing to you?

All the conversations, the quality time, the laughter

Gone without a second glance


No, that’s not quite true

You did look back

Once

With a softening and pitying glance

Then moved on


I am left with the bitter tastes of

Betrayal, heartache, and frustration

Grief and lament bubbling under the surface

My questions ready to erupt

The agony of separating myself from you


We've been together for years now
I vaguely remember what it’s like to live without you

But I’m learning how to do so again

I wonder if we’ll ever return to amicable terms

Or if we’ll remain forever friendly acquaintances

Destined to only say polite “hellos” and “how are yous”

Whenever our circles collide


I’m not sorry that it happened

But I am sorry about how it ended

Because it didn’t have to be this way

I was faithful to the end

You are the one who tossed me aside

I don’t know if I can forgive you for that


The heartbreaking thing is that

I did love you

And I believe that

You also loved me


My last request is simply this:

Treat the next girl better, won't you?

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