::what if i can’t celebrate advent::


The candle I have held since I was a child
Every year illuminating my world
Has gone out
I've tried to relight it
But it... won't... stay... lit...


Up on the altar
I see the Advent candles burning brightly

Week after week

Purple. Perfect. Promising. 


But they’re too far away

I’m sitting in the back row

They can’t rekindle my candle

Let them bring peace and hope to someone else


My candle is hidden away

Tucked into a box of memories of what was

I don a smile and give my kids their candles

Telling them of the light they will have all their lives

Smothering the grief and frustration within

Their joyful smiles and fascination with fire

Are almost enough for a change of heart

Yet the memories of extinguishment are too strong

I close my eyes, breathe, and soldier on


We light the candles on Christmas Eve

Their luminosity builds in the room

The awe and delight are too much

I can’t bear it and turn away


Someone finds me
They don’t say ‘where is your candle?’

Or ‘why are you here?’

They simply say ‘do you want to share my candle?’

We sit together in the darkness

And watch the candle burn with hope




Written for the Advent RezArts Festival 2023

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