Further Up and Further In

She's frozen in place. She's curled up in a ball. She stands, alternately weeping and shaking her fist at the world. Or does she? A dispassionate observer would think her demeanor ordinary and would see no tears rolling down her cheeks. All is within. The unshed tears could create a lake and the anger builds up smoldering dangerously like a volcano with no eruption. The injustice of this broken world grieves her heart. The helplessness of her position causes deep anguish. She understands with a gut punch-like feeling what John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” She would do anything to relieve them from this pain. She would give her very self if that's what it took to protect them from what is happening. To them and to herself, she laments, “ My child. My children. No, I’m not your biological mother but I’ve cared for, nurtured, protected, and loved you for as long as I can remember. You are mine.

I believe we all want to be pursued and I'm not talking about fleeing for your life. I'm talking about continuing to be in relationship with someone and not necessarily romantically. In our overstimulated world with a million distractions, it's easy to let friends slip through the cracks. I'm totally guilty of it as well. I realize I haven't texted a friend in a month; I haven't checked in to see how someone is doing, or whatever. In those moments I have to decide if I'll fight for the relationship by pursuing them. I'm happy to do so because I care about them but I also wish my friends would reciprocate and do the same for me. Since if you're always pursuing by asking to get a meal, to hang out, to have a chat, it feels a bit one-sided. You begin wondering what kind of relationship you have and whether or not that person really wants to be with you. I don't believe that's insecurity necessarily but possibly an evaluation of whether or not t

Summer 2008 10 years is a long  time. In 10 years, pop culture is revamped and "current" fashion goes out of style. In 10 years, wars are fought, won, and lost. In 10 years, a new generation is born while another passes away. In 10 years, a person can go from being a student to being an adult, whatever that means... In 10 years, technology grows by numerous leaps and bounds that it's easy to forget what it was like before. In 10 years, a country could be formed and another fall apart because of war, natural disasters, politics, etc. In 10 years, the best and worst things could happen as well as everything in between. In 10 years, ____________ fill in the blank! There's much that happens both personally and globally. You get the idea. 10 years ago, my family moved from Portland, OR to Deering, NH to become domestic missionaries at His Mansion Ministries. What a ride it has been. I've decided to focus on a couple of the big things (out of many) I've learne

"Jump in and be all there." A friend told me this years ago when I left home for the first time and volunteered for 4 months at a Christian camp in Uruguay. It made me think of jumping off a diving board into the deep end of a pool. You breathe in, jump, and quickly become submersed within the water. It surrounds you. It's all you can see. You're in a world completely different than the one you just left. It is both beautiful and strange. The analogy isn't perfect but you get the idea. Jumping in can be really scary because you usually don't know what you're about to jump into and even if you do, it still can be anxiety-producing. The unknown petrifies most people. Perhaps you want to just dip your toes in, see if you like it, and then you'll decide to get all the way in or not. Perhaps you want to start slowly wading in, going at your own pace rather than doing it all at once because that  would be too overwhelming. Personally, I'm the kind

Have you ever felt that emptiness within you when you're missing someone or something? Yet perhaps it is mixed with the gratitude of having had that thing or person in your life? If so, you are like the wives and children of Portuguese sailors who would often sail away and never be heard from again. These women and children suffered profoundly in the absence of their husbands and fathers. The Portuguese coined the term, saudade , to describe what that emotion was, a mixture of sadness and happiness, of melancholic longing and gratitude. A difficult translation from Portuguese to English but a sentiment universally felt (in my personal opinion). When my friend first explained to me the word, saudade , I immediately thought of these two quotes: Both A.A. Milne and Alfred Lord Tennyson attempted to capture what it's like to be both happy and sad over the absence of someone or something in your life. Which is a seeming paradox but our human hearts are capable of feeli

The Order of the Phoenix (House) - aka my fabulous housemates and I Commencement may mean the beginning of something but as we all know, in order for a new chapter to begin another one has to end. The last 4 years spent as a student at Wheaton College have come to a bittersweet close. So far in my short life, they've been some of the best and some of the hardest years of my life in such a variety of ways. I can't sum up my Wheaton career in one blog post but I can give some highlights of the experiences I've had, the things I've learned, and most of all, the people I've had the privilege of being in relationship with. Thanks to my family for all their support, encouragement, and love the past four years! When I reflect on the experiences I've had, 2 categories come up. First, all of the times on campus that've been both spontaneous and planned, such as deep discussions in the library, late night conversations with my roommates, throwing house par

I love that this icon came up as one of the first images of Christian hospitality Guess what? I did an adult thing! *drum roll please* I cooked dinner for 4 friends and myself over spring break! Aren't you proud of me? AND, it wasn't just mac'n'cheese or spaghetti and meatballs. I made rice, roasted broccoli, steamed dumplings and my friends helped to make Chinese flatbread. We ate almost all of it so I think they liked it and everything turned out okay. We ate food, hung out, reminisced about the summer at camp we'd spent together, caught up on each other's lives, and had sweet fellowship. One of my friends texted me the next day saying, "thanks so much for putting on that company. It was great." A couple days later, I read the story of Abraham entertaining the angels unaware in Genesis 13 and how he considered himself honored to be able to host them. I realized that that was my response to hosting my friends in my on-campus house. It was a bless

Much of the time I feel unqualified and wrong in praying this phrase, "give us this day our daily bread", and yet I know I am absolutely right and justified in asking God for my daily bread. I'm a privileged, decently well off, college-educated woman in one of the richest, first-world countries today. Who am I to complain that I don't have enough for each day? In many ways, I can't and in other ways, I recognize I'm in deeper need of more than I realize. When this phrase comes up, I either gloss over it as I recite the Lord's prayer or I'm uncomfortable with it because it requires trust and humility and to me, it signifies a lack of control. If I have to be praying for my "daily bread" whatever that may be, it means I didn't plan my life "right" or something went awry. Admittedly, it's a matter of pride and distrust in God because I don't believe that He will provide for me so I have to do it for myself. *SIN ALERT* Yea