::everything stripped away::

She trembles. "Please don't", she whispers. So much has been taken from her already. Must this also be torn from her? "You can do it, you can do it", she mentally recites to herself. She's made it through many storms before but nothing like this. They were always by her side before. They were her foundation and her safety net to come back to. Now, it isn't like that. She has no place to go. No place to hide. She can feel herself splintering into a thousand pieces. Her world has been shattered and she is at a loss as to how to pick up the fragments. Rebuilding seems like a gigantic task and she wonders if she really has the strength to do it. She concentrates on one thing at a time, compartmentalizing to survive the pain that is part of every day. "Why? What happened? What now?" The questions perpetually swirl in her head. Some days she forgets what happened and you can hear her laughter and see her smile. Other days, something triggers her and she crawls into bed with a heavy heart of unshed tears. This is supposed to be one of the best years of her college career and now it is colored by this. In a second, she can grow angry, emotional, sad, hopeless, despairing, frustrated, questioning, and heavier than she can ever express. Words just seem to scratch the surface.

She realizes that all has been stripped away. Everything she ever thought was stable or consistent in her life has been taken from her at one time or another. Peer friendships, mentors, home, community, college, technology, everything has let her down in some way and each has had its impact on her, some deeper and others lighter. She's managed to rebuild, to keep going each time, to try again. It's helped that she's always had them in the background. They've been her encouragement, support, reminders of truth and love. Now they are what has been taken from her and she doesn't know where else to turn. They have been her foundation, her identity in many ways, who is she anymore? What is she going to do? They are fragmented and she doesn't know how to straddle both them and college. To stave away the panic and overwhelming emotions inside, she compartmentalizes them away. But they're always there, right underneath the surface, the streak of pain that will be with her for the rest of her life. She knows it and it crushes her tender heart.

She wonders what is there left. What matters in life? She is driven back to her relationship with her God. He is the only thing that has remained constant for her in her life. As of this moment, literally the only thing that has not let her down, failed her, left her, or not been what she thought it was. What a comfort in such a time as this. She still struggles with her relationship with her God and asks Him many questions regarding her hurt and feeling that He is the one Person who truly understands her and knows what she's going through. As she reads her Bible, she sees how everything else has been stripped away and the last thing left to her is her God. She cannot stand on anything else but Him, her Rock. She cannot live for anything else but Him, her Redeemer. She has no one else in the world but Him, her Father. The truth is still sinking in but she knows she cannot despair and cannot give up hope. He is the foundation she must rebuild upon, the best and strongest one because it will never fail her. Out of her faith must come everything else, her ability to make new homes, to be part of communities, to care for her friends, and to love her family. From her faith must it all spring forth so she comes to her knees before Him, humbly, desperately, full of need. He hears her cries for help, her prayers for the strength and grace she doesn't possess, and the joy and peace that can only come from the Giver of all things. Her God came to give her life and hope. Her calling is to be a light of the work He has done in her that others may see and also come out of their despair and believe.