Further Up and Further In

I've had the words " Fully Known & Fully Loved " on my wall since freshman year of college because it's a reminder of a central truth of who I am. I am fully known AND fully loved by the God who gave everything for me . The craziest thing is not that this is true of me but that it's true not only  of me. It's true of each of us. We long for intimacy, for love, for people to see us for who we truly are, yet we push those same things away. Our deepest fears and our greatest desires are intertwined in more ways than we may realize. Sadly, the fear of rejection frequently conquers the yearning to be known and loved. It's easier to stay away from the pain and vulnerability than to allow another person to see us, messiness, beauty, and all. We do this both to God and others. One of our most profound questions is, "could you ... will you ... do you ... love me even though ?" Even though... I'm socially awkward and struggle talking to peop...

Photo credit: Church of the Rez - Lights and Lessons *breathe in*     *breathe in* *breathe out*   *breathe out* This unconscious rhythm of our bodies keeps us alive. We do it instinctively because it's part of how we function and what we need to survive. What are those instinctual rhythms in our spiritual lives? Literally and metaphorically. I believe the kingdom of heaven both in the sense of the 'already and the not yet' is integral to our spiritual well-being. I don't know about you but I struggle with what the kingdom of heaven means in my day to day life. Where is it? What is it? How do I participate in it and in furthering it? I went to a school whose motto is " For Christ and His Kingdom " so I feel like I should have  some  idea of what's going on. I guess going to a Christian liberal arts college doesn't prepare you for everything. Anyways, what does it mean for God to be king and for me to live in His kingdom? How do I invite others i...

Hyphens are crucial when you are playing a word game like Catch Phrase or Scattergories because they can make two words into one word or at least, give you enough leeway to convince your opponents that they do. They're also used for putting between people's last names, writing numbers out, etc. At this point, you might be thinking, "oh, great. Is she really writing a whole post about grammar ? Give me a break." Yes, this is about grammar and no, I'm going to talk more about than punctuation. The use of a hyphen is crucial to my identity. First, let me tell you a short real life story. Recently, I went to the dentist and the hygienist, a Latino guy, conversationally asks what my ethnic background is and I tell him Chinese-American. He proceeds to ask if I speak Chinese, an incredibly common question for me, and I say no. He replies, "well, then you're just American. People tell me they're Mexican and they don't speak Spanish so I say [to them]...

"You're doing really well and working super hard." "You've totally been rocking out at this job." "Wow, I definitely thought you've been here for longer. You seem like you’ve totally got everything under control." "You're a natural with the kids and they seem to love you." These were sincere remarks and ones that should send my spirits soaring and boost my confidence since I've only been doing my job for 4 months. Yes, I am young but I'm taking care of 5 little girls the best I can and they are still alive! (kidding) In all seriousness, I've been managing schedules, doing daily paperwork, dragging kids out of bed in the morning, pushing through 1st grade homework, dealing with the full spectrum of negative and positive behaviors, and everything else that comes with caring for little ones. It's been super intense and challenging to say the least. I've learned a ton about myself, kids, social work, a...

Resting is going to a Christmas market Being a guest on a podcast was never one of my life goals but if it was, it's been fulfilled! I got a text out of the blue from a college friend who has started a podcast around " pursuing justice, cultivating community, and considering questions " to quote from the description. She asked me to have a conversation with her on Sabbath and rest. I didn't feel like I had particularly profound thoughts on the subject but was honored and agreed to do it. We recorded a few days before Christmas and it was one of the most restful things I'd done in quite a while. The podcast is called " this is what we are about ", you can listen to it  here  as well as on Spotify and iTunes. I started practicing Sabbath and resting when I started college. My parents suggested it to me and me, being an impressionable freshman who was determined to do everything right (ha!), decided to do so. This meant not doing homework or studyin...

She's frozen in place. She's curled up in a ball. She stands, alternately weeping and shaking her fist at the world. Or does she? A dispassionate observer would think her demeanor ordinary and would see no tears rolling down her cheeks. All is within. The unshed tears could create a lake and the anger builds up smoldering dangerously like a volcano with no eruption. The injustice of this broken world grieves her heart. The helplessness of her position causes deep anguish. She understands with a gut punch-like feeling what John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.” She would do anything to relieve them from this pain. She would give her very self if that's what it took to protect them from what is happening. To them and to herself, she laments, “ My child. My children. No, I’m not your biological mother but I’ve cared for, nurtured, protected, and loved you for as long as I can remember. You are mine. ...

I believe we all want to be pursued and I'm not talking about fleeing for your life. I'm talking about continuing to be in relationship with someone and not necessarily romantically. In our overstimulated world with a million distractions, it's easy to let friends slip through the cracks. I'm totally guilty of it as well. I realize I haven't texted a friend in a month; I haven't checked in to see how someone is doing, or whatever. In those moments I have to decide if I'll fight for the relationship by pursuing them. I'm happy to do so because I care about them but I also wish my friends would reciprocate and do the same for me. Since if you're always pursuing by asking to get a meal, to hang out, to have a chat, it feels a bit one-sided. You begin wondering what kind of relationship you have and whether or not that person really wants to be with you. I don't believe that's insecurity necessarily but possibly an evaluation of whether or not t...