Martha: Classic Type-A, Busy, Anxious Wheaton Student

I am Martha, hands down. She is one of the characters who is easy to type-cast into modern day life. Jesus gently rebukes Martha in Luke 10:41-42 but it could easily be me. "Francesca, Francesca, you are anxious and troubled about many things but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her." The rebuke is meant for me as much as it was for Martha. This past quad, I've been in Art Survey 101 and was asked to choose an image, preferably with religious connotations/meaning, for my image interaction journal that would take me the whole quad to complete. I chose Tintoretto's image 'Christ in the House of Martha and Mary'. Not exactly how I would chosen to have painted the story, if I could paint fit to be seen, but I appreciated the meaning behind the painting. I knew in my heart that I was and have always been Martha-oriented. That's my personality and how I am driven. I have a type-A personality. I work hard and do things, lots of things. I often have good motives that are just misguided or pointed in the wrong direction. I'm nearly always busy especially as a Wheaton student. I love serving people and practicing hospitality. I'm often distracted and anxious about the many cares of life which means that I occasionally miss out on the times to be still or to listen.

It is so much harder for me to assume Mary's contemplative, "just being" posture. As much as I recognize the value of it, I have trouble actually living it out as much as I long to at times. So I figured this image would be a good reminder to me. I saturated my life with it as I was supposed to do. I set it as the background of my laptop and iPad, taped it up in my room and to my folders and notebook. The image became part of my everyday life but it wasn't a reminder, it was simply part of the background. My eyes took it in visually but my heart and mind didn't take in the spiritual meaning behind it. I was sorry for this as I was writing my reflection for my image interaction journal and thinking that my intentions were good but I didn't feel that I had taken any more time to act like Mary than I had at the beginning of the quad. In that way, it felt like a failure and I wondered if I had had unrealistic expectations or it was just my broken sinfulness as a person that got in the way. I knew that my busyness and distraction kept me from really meditating on the painting and thinking about ways to be more Mary-like and less Martha-like.

Then last week, I got sick. Sicker than I have been in a long time and never away from home before. Well, first time for everything including having a 103.1 fever while being a college student right before midterms week. I took a couple days off, taking things easy, canceling obligations and only going to half my classes on Friday (my responsibility strength kicking in). On Saturday, I started to feel better, at least relatively compared to the past couple days, but then my computer stopped working. So since Saturday, I have been recovering from illness and technology-free more or less (update: as of Thursday night, my computer has been fixed! And I'm nearly completely well).

Replication phase of my journal
I've been asking God, "Why? Why did you let both things happen to me at once? You could have prevented one or both of them yet you allowed them to occur. I don't understand." Perhaps it was to teach me to be like Mary. Being sick has forced me to slow down physically. I can't do as much as I normally do, whether it's catching my breath after going up 3 flights of stairs or having to drink water because of coughing fits, I have to take that extra time to compensate for my body. Not having my computer forces me to slow down mentally and emotionally. I can't just flip open my laptop when I'm bored or surf around on the Internet instead of doing my homework. I have more time to sit and be still, to lie on my bed and think, to read a book for fun or to go to bed early. God seems to have taken away 2 things I prize: my technology and my health in order to make me slow down. It's been freeing and more tranquil. I've been more at peace this week than I thought I would be. I still have had my moments of frustration but I've gotten to rest and just be in ways that I normally don't allow myself. So the image itself was good, it got me thinking along the right track but it took the physical removal of certain things to make it come to life and for me to live differently. Just another reminder that God has a reason for doing things a certain way and that I need to live in a constant state of trust because He's got me, no matter what happens.

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