::to a former lover::
We began on hopeful terms 9 years ago
You knew where you stood
I was figuring out if I liked you or not
You offered me the chance and I took it
A year into the relationship
The honeymoon phase had worn off
It started to become more difficult
But we worked through things
I came out the stronger
Year three was the hardest year yet
Cynicism, busyness, and stress took their toll
We even took a short break apart
I appreciated you a lot more when we got back together
The following year my world got shattered
But you were there for me
You stood by me as a support as everything else fell apart
I don’t know what would’ve happened without you
Yet I knew it was time to part ways
We weren’t meant to be together any longer
Which broke my heart
Fast forward to two and a half years later
You asked me to return to you and I did
I was tentatively hopeful
We both had changed and
I didn’t know how we’d fit together again
Neither of us were the same
Would this work?
It’s been 3 years since that day in January
When I came back into your embrace
We’ve had some incredibly intense moments in our relationship
I almost lost hope more than once
But I held on by the grace of God
I sacrificed so much for you
But honestly, I don’t know that I regret it
We went through hell and back together
The valleys recently seemed to turn into hills
I saw goodness and beauty on the horizon
Growth and change were just around the corner
And then
Something happened
As it typically goes, it was gradual
You began moving away from me
You didn’t call me back
Said that you “forgot” to text me
The moments of intimacy dwindled
I didn’t really notice
Well, I did
But I made excuses
You were really busy
There was a lot going on in life
We’d make it through this
Just like we had all the other times...
... Right?
The knife came swift and sharp
Feeling out of nowhere
The cold iron stabbed deep
I remember inhaling in shock and pain
What had I done to deserve this?
Why would you wield such a blow?
We had been together for so long
I thought, ‘surely this must be a mistake
We can rectify this’
But the heartbreak just kept coming
At an alarmingly fast rate
I tried to step in
I tried to protect them and you as best I could
My efforts were raindrops in Lake Michigan
I wrestled long and hard with my emotions
I didn’t want to break up but
I wasn’t sure that I could stay with you
My dreams were devastated
I no longer trusted you
I didn’t know what to do with that
I told you it wasn’t working
That we had to break up and I was the one leaving
You acted surprised and shocked
You seemed genuinely sad to see me go
Then why didn’t you fight for me?
Why didn’t you care?
Why weren’t you aware?
Where were you when I needed you?
What happened here and here and here?
I poured out blood, sweat, and tears for our relationship
Yet you threw it aside with a flick of your hand
We had gone through a freaking pandemic and back
Did that mean nothing to you?
All the conversations, the quality time, the laughter
Gone without a second glance
No, that’s not quite true
You did look back
Once
With a softening and pitying glance
Then moved on
I am left with the bitter tastes of
Betrayal, heartache, and frustration
Grief and lament bubbling under the surface
My questions ready to erupt
The agony of separating myself from you
But I’m learning how to do so again
I wonder if we’ll ever return to amicable terms
Or if we’ll remain forever friendly acquaintances
Destined to only say polite “hellos” and “how are yous”
Whenever our circles collide
I’m not sorry that it happened
But I am sorry about how it ended
Because it didn’t have to be this way
I was faithful to the end
You are the one who tossed me aside
I don’t know if I can forgive you for that
The heartbreaking thing is that
I did love you
And I believe that
You also loved me
My last request is simply this:
Treat the next girl better, won't you?
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