Further Up and Further In

" And who knows whether you have not come to your royal position for such a time as this? " Esther 4:14b Esther's story is one of my favorite Bible stories because she is what and who I aspire to be. I wonder if I would have the courage to do what was right in the face of scary or at times, not so scary, circumstances. Like many 90s Christian kids, I watched a LOT of VeggieTales growing up including Esther. A couple of the songs have stuck with me as well as this line by Mordecai to Esther, " You never need to be afraid to do what's right ." What simple yet powerful truth. Discerning what is right can be more challenging but if that's what's right, then that's what I should be doing with courage and not fear. The Lord is with me just as He was with Esther. She was ready to die for doing what she knew was right for her and her people. So was Jesus. Am I willing to do the same? As you may know, I work in the Chaplain's Office at Wheaton College

The Incredulity of Saint Thomas by Caravaggio " Then he [Jesus] said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve but believe. "" John 20:27 One of my friends and I's favorite things to do is to ask 'would you rather' questions. So, would you rather... be a brain on a stick or a warm body in a room? In our world today, we would probably choose the warm body because we value the mental more than the physical. This can spiral off into the societal problems about how we view the business vs the working class, white vs blue collar jobs, etc. But for now, it's fascinating and perhaps mildly horrifying to understand how our society views and values different careers and abilities. I'm a recent college grad who has a desk job. I stand in solidarity with many people, including Christians, who struggle with embodiment and the physicality of my self, my faith, and living on this eart

If you're similar to me, you're likely not an engineer and perhaps don't know what the factor of safety is or means. Though I probably should care since it matters for much of how I live my daily life like driving my car, getting into bed, and walking across a bridge! The definition of the factor of safety--in less technical terms--is how much stress or load something can take before it crumbles. For example, a plane can take 1.5 times the amount of stress it normally can before it would explode or something like that. A mechanical engineer friend was explaining this to me and I half-jokingly asked, "what's the factor of safety for a human?" How much stress can a person take before they break? I truly would love to know the answer to that question because I wonder when I'll break. This summer, as you know, has been a hurricane of issues between coronavirus, the awareness of racial injustice sweeping across our country, the possibility of schools reopening

*Note: "The language we use to categorize one another racially is imperfect ... Yet it is difficult to talk about what is essentially a flawed and problematic social construct without using language that is itself problematic. We have to be able to talk about it in order to change it. " - Beverly Daniel Tatum (p. 97, Why are all the Black Kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?, underlining mine) Have you ever been told you couldn't enter a space you wanted to go in? Whether it's your sibling's room, a club, or an amusement park ride, you get upset. Someone is denying you entry and especially as Americans in our highly individualistic and entitled mentality, (I'm guilty of this too) we don't stand by that. What standards do you hold that don't allow me to enter? You can argue with your brother as to why he won't let you into his room or plead with an employee to bend the requirements, but what happens when it's not that simple? When it's su

If you enjoy small talk then well and good for you but I admittedly do not. You probably wouldn't know because I can do it quite well and you may have done it with me before. I've learned how do it out of necessity. Part of my dislike is my introverted self that would rather just talk deeper and more real. Part of it is because we ask the same questions every. single. time. What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do?   Each of those questions is important because the answers are how we typically define ourselves. I could write multiple blog posts about each one and I've touched on the first two before. Now I'm focusing on the third. What do you do? We define ourselves and others by what their job/career is. We unconsciously assign value, make assumptions, and create a personality for someone based on their answer. This is natural because as you are getting to know someone you're forming a narrative to help you remember that person and you&#

Photo credit: Tanner Olsen (@writtentospeak) "If I die at the hands of a perfect woman, then that's how I go", a real quote from a good friend. What makes my friend ready to die at the hand of perfection? What quality about it makes us do anything to attain it? We are constantly chasing perfection whether it's in our careers, parenting, schoolwork, relationships, or in the million daily tasks that make up the mosaic of our lives. This hunger for perfection consumes some of us, myself included (read more:  The Standard of Never Enough ). Yet, I dare to say that Lent is the "perfect" time for Coronavirus because we are in a season of lament, grief, and facing our mortality. I'm not saying that Coronavirus is a good thing or that I'm glad it's happening. Trust me, I'm starting to go crazy sheltering in place in my house and I'm an introvert, albeit a social one. But since Coronavirus has come, it seems fitting it's occurring now

Every book lover has been asked more times than they can count, "what's your favorite book?" I chose my answer years ago as a child so I always had it ready. It was Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I read it for the first time in elementary school and have read it countless times since then. I've listened to various audiobook renditions, watched the 1994 movie, read and loved Little Men and Jo's Boys (the sequels to Little Women ), and recently viewed Greta Gerwig's version of the movie. If you know me, you know I'm not a big movie person. I rarely go to the theater and whenever I do, it's usually to watch an animated film. *side note: I'm a huge Disney/Pixar fan* But I knew I HAD to see this remake of my favorite book so I went with a friend and fell in love with the story all over again. Since then I've watched far too many interviews and behind the scenes clips, looked up the cast on Wikipedia, listened to the soundtrack, and wondered

Whether you love kids or you want nothing to do with them, whether you think they're cute or annoying, or whether you think my job of spending 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week with toddlers sounds like a dream or a nightmare, kids will teach you fascinating lessons if you're willing to see and learn. If you've spent any time with kids, you know they are unfiltered, don't regulate their emotions, act impulsively, and are their truest selves all the time. My own inner child comes out when I'm with kids which is a huge reason of why I love working with them. I let down my guard, allow myself to be silly, and am vulnerable in ways I'm not able to with adults. Being with kids is often humbling and eye-opening. Things aren't always as complicated as I make them out to be, such as theology. It can be understood on a toddler level, don't you think? Take natural depravity for example. I didn't expect to see it so clearly in my little ones. You could brush t